Tab Stopped

Originally posted on Tales of the Parodyverse by Manga Shoggoth.

This is a little cut-scene for Dancer's little Epic.

Parodyverse characters copyright (c) 2006 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works.

The middle of the casualty department was not, Grace O'Mercy felt, the best place to discuss business. Especially when she had put the screens up for a... delicate... operation.

The client - her patient - was arguing about a repair bill, which was apparently (like all bills) too high. Still, since the bill was being presented by Xander the Improbable she had some sympathy with the vict(ahem)client, but not so much that she wouldn't enjoy hearing any discussions about alternative payment methods.

It was never a good idea to owe Xander a favour.

Of course, she thought as she probed with a pair of forceps, it is not a good idea to haggle with Xander when your sole contribution to the conversation can be summarised as "Urk!", "Eek!" or "Yipe!", depending on what she did with the forceps.

"Item 1: Removal of extradimensional/multidimensional goo from mechanism. $200."

"Urk!"

"Now, removing extradimensional goo isn't cheap, and neither is removing multidimensional goo. When you have to do both together you are looking at Aveyard's Avian Abolishment, and let me tell you that the blood of a virgin canary doesn't come cheap either."

"Urk!"

Grace thought that this was a little unfair. Residual Shoggoth goo could be removed with a mixture of ammonia and vinegar, but obviously that wouldn't look nearly as good on the bill. Besides, the Shoggoth only left goo around because people expected it.

"Item 2: Removal of fingers from mechanism. $200."

"Urk!"

"And if you ask the nurse very nicely, she may have time to reattach them, which will save you a little on this bill."

"Urk!"

"Of course," Grace interjected, "You will get a separate bill for that."

"Yipe!"

"Item 3: Unjamming mechanism. $20."

"Urk!"

"Item 4: Replacing Tab Stops. $20 each. You have to make them specially now - you can't get the parts for this sort of typewriter any more."

"Urk! Eek! Eek! Yipe!"

Grace looked at the artefact held in her forceps. It was a small metal key, consisting of a loop at one end, and a set of two prongs at the other. It was badly in need of a clean.

"Is this one?" she asked. "Only I think there are a couple more down there."

"Should be eight in total." noted Xander. "The Shoggoth tends to be very protective of its priestesses."

There was a faint whimper from the trolley. It was going to be a long night for the Ghost Writer.

Footnotes:

I don't know how many of you have used really old typewriters, but the old Royal I used to use when I was a child did indeed have the tab stops set by placing metal keys in the mechanism (in a ruler, I might add). The tab mechanism would release the carriage to move to the position of the next key.

One of the greatest joys of my childhood was taking all the tab stops out and pressing the Tab key, so that the spring-loaded carriage threw itself across the typewriter. It is a testament to the skills of the designer that the typewriter survived both my sister and myself growing up. I think we may still have it somewhere.